My nipple is on Facebook.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
