I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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