did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
