thus making me awesome and them whores
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
why is half of my head shaved?
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