3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
