Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize