all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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