Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
