Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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