youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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