Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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