and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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