Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
