She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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