Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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