she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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