My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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