"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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