the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
