Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
