but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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