So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
