I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
