those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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