I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
