if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
