you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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