i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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