so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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