yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
