Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
