It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize