I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she peed on how many people?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
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My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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