"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
