I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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