My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Donâ€™t Know
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldnâ€™t Be In
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.