Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.