And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's never too late to be topless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
