worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
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I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...