Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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