I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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