I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
