I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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