Whod you bang
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
