Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
