I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
