Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
