Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
