Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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