Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
