apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize