I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
