i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
