when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this just has baby written all over it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
