Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
