I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
