On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize