One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
