Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
