My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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