The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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