East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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