I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
