I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
