If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
