cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
