I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
