i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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