i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
