Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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