R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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